Cancer Diaries — A Silver Lining?

I am writing this from the viewpoint of a person who is seeing a loved one suffering from this disease. All the thoughts here are purely personal and reflect my state of mind. 

Of all the diseases in the world, cancer may be one of the most glamourised ones (maybe after AIDS). There are many movies, books and forums about it and countless celebrities and foundations talk about it. You would have come across it in some form or the other, shed a tear and then moved on.

I did the same until the time I came to know that my mom suffered from cancer. She was first diagnosed with the disease around 9 years back, got treated, became well, until it raised its ugly head again 4 years back in a meaner way. She is now undergoing treatment and like my brother says, “she is like a ticking time-bomb”.

Cancer is a painful disease both for the person as well as the loved ones around them. Also, it is a very expensive disease. You may consider it to be a heartless thing to say when one is being all emotional about it. But the truth is when one starts spending the money, all emotions run out and one is just left wondering how to get the money for the next chemo cycle.

Let me focus my thoughts today on the silver lining of cancer, because apparently every cloud has one. Cancer does help to really understand how much a loved one actually loves you. Let me illustrate this by an example. As a child, I used to think that my parents were just parents. They had had an arranged marriage, were caught up in raising 2 children and were never great giver of gifts. I never imagined them being the lovey-dovey sort or having a DDLJ moment. But, now I feel that my parents story has the potential to be etched in the eons of time as one of the greatest love stories — right next to Romeo and Juliet.

My dad is an old gentleman and a patient one at that. He religiously accompanies my mom to her chemo every week, sits with her and stares at the medicine. He never sleeps during the 8-9 hour long sessions (i must confess even I slept off as there was nothing to do and how long can one stare at the bottle). My mom is not supposed to eat any outside food and most of the times is too weak to cook. Hence, my dad has taken up the position of full-time chef at home. When the chemo makes my mom’s taste buds go all awry, he patiently hears her crib about his cooking. They do have their share of fights, but at the end of the day, they provide each other with the much-needed support that they require. Together, they feel (and I hope) that they will defeat this disease the second time around as well.

Bye bye 2014!

2014 has gone and I am not sad to see it go. It was an uneventful year as in nothing really happened. There were some talks about some things happening, but nothing actually culminated. So quite blah!
And for this precise reason, I became extremely pissed off, when Facebook did the whole my year was good thing. And believe you me, there was nothing on my post, as I said nothing happened. So I felt happy, when they had to apologise, because come on, no algo can tell me how good or bad my year was.
New year resolutions - to try to become fit and the first 2 days have been kind of a downer. But the one good thing that has happened is I have started playing Quizup. And yesterday I was first in India in Sex and the City (drumroll!!!). Made my evening:). 

The glass of water

So, we all know about the question - whether the glass is half empty or half full? When I was young, I used to look people in the eye and say that obviously, the glass is half full. Why would anyone say otherwise? No one can be a pessimist. You have to be an optimist to win.
But now, as I grow wiser (am refraining from using the other word), I have realized that I am one of those who see that the glass is half empty. And more than that, I would probably not even drink from it, thinking about what I will do when it is empty. I am a hard-core pessimist and am not afraid to say it.
But, being a pessimist is not an easy thing to be. You need to have the knack to find a dark cloud in every silver lining. And I can say that with some authority that I have managed to develop this knack. As a pessimist, I am extremely cautious of everything, so probably that works in my favour:)
This pessimist thing is a great deal of work, trying to find an obstacle everywhere. I should probably just start looking at the glass and water and not read too much into it. I can always fill up the glass again.
P.S. This time I hope I am back for good:)

Limerick Time

My first attempt:

I sat and waited for my plane

Which was delayed due to the rain

Why not complete my work I thought

But went on to read the book I bought

Now to the boss who will explain?

The Tall and Short of It

The Europeans are tall people. Well, not all of them. But the majority of them are. And those who know me know that I am a little bit vertically challenged (This was the title given to me in my IIMA Section A POTY Awards! I was indignant but that is a story for another time.)
Coming back to the topic on hand, I had dreams to meet some good French students (ooh laa laa!) and make them my BFFs. So, when the institute told us that they have some kind of Tandem program for us in order to facilitate our meeting the firangs, I was all ecstatic and immediately signed up for it.
I was assigned a French girl and immediately I had visions of roaming around the streets of Paris, soaking in the French culture and being all Parisian (don't get wrong ideas). Keeping this mind, I sent a mail introducing myself and asking her to do the same. She told me she had only recently come to Paris. My Parisian dreams were shattered, but then she said she was from Bourdeaux. I envisioned myself lazing in the vineyards of Bourdeaux, being ohh so graceful and elegant, and my plans were back on track.
Then she told me that she was a first year student, which according to my calculations made her about 19 or 20 years old. I am in the wrong side of 20 and had just overcome my quarter life crisis. But what the heck, what has age to do with friendship?
Keeping all this aside, I decided to meet her. I mailed her and asked her how would I recognise her in the school courtyard. She replied back " I am blonde, fair, Tall, actually the tallest measuring over 180 cm and I wear heels, so you can't miss me. What about you?" ON reading this, my heart skipped a beat. I would like like, actually I would not be visible next to her. But still, I replied "I am short, actually very short, dark and don't wear heels. I will find you".
I was already two strikes down. I wasn't entirely sure if I could find a way out of the third one. I went out and saw her. She came up to my shoulder as she was sitting. A sweet girl. But I am not entirely sure if she is up to be my BFF. Call me a racist, but she was too tall for it:)

Eurotrip chronicles

My other blog failed to take off. Partly because I am too lazy. And also because this gentleman laughed at my idea. And since I thought that he did have much more sense in the blogging department, I did not write. It is fun to shift the blame on others!! No offense.
I am done with my euro trip. Actually I was almost done with it the first week of November itself. I have realised I don't like to travel (future consultant, really?) on a shoestring budget (there is hope!). I have been to 11 countries, and towards the end everything appeared the same to me. Being a vegetarian (non-ova) doesn't help in this a lot as well.
The education system here reminds me of my class X CBSE days. I am cramming stuff like definitions and 15 points of social marketing. Who would have thought that MBA requires cramming? I just envisioned it to be exams full of writing globe. But, it happens!
Friends made, not many. Lessons learnt, too many. Will elaborate many of those in subsequent posts.
But I am proud of myself for living in a foreign country, with people speaking a foreign language and navigating through simple day to day activities like shopping in French supermarkets, booking train tickets and opening a bank account. I am a big girl now:)

I don't know what to say

Each time I take a long break, I promise myself that I will write more often and then I am back to my old ways. I don't even have any excuses anymore apart from the fact that I am plain lazy.
IInd year in IIMA is exactly the opposite of the I year. I have nothing to do (which is technically wrong; I do nothing). I have been watching movies and series ( Gossip Girl is awesome!) and generally chilling out. What plans I had- I will reach the stars and change the world. I will read books and learn French. I joined yoga and left it (in my defence the teacher was not very encouraging). Billions of Bilious Blue BlisteringBarnacles! Nothing I did. But not all is lost. I have been busy getting my French Visa. As you all I am going to Paris (yay!). It has always been my dream to go abroad. My dad had told me that he was taking me to California when I was in the 6th standard. I was so excited, I read about American culture, their accent, saw their movies and listened to their songs. But alas, the plan did not materialize. Since then I have been waiting for the day when I go abroad.
Now that I am actually going, it has dawned on me that getting a visa is a very difficult process. Also it is pretty expensive. I needed to search everywhere to get the required information.
So the good samaritan that I am, I came up with the idea of posting it all on a blog. It will give students all the info which they require. Apart from that it will also allow me to document my first international journey. I hope that I am able to work on this project (keeping my fingers crossed).
Let the journey begin:)

Breaking News

I distinctly remember my class X english teacher emphasizing the importance of a caption. She repeatedly drilled it into our heads that a caption should be short and eye-catching. I must say she would be proud if she saw the title of my post today-short and eye catching obviously (why else would the news channels use it??), even though it is not connected to this post, but then, who cares?
But I have news. I am now, the proud owner of...wait for it...( I need to get over these barneyisms), a brand new, ladies BICYCLE. Yes, I know my previous post was all about the tough times I spend on the cycle. And my gracious employers have given me a Ms. India bicycle, which is a shocking pink in colour. Now I am not a pink person, but then give me a ladies cycles any day over those big, crossbar-ed atlas thingys. I have made peace with the colour, but some of my colleagues have not. They vehemently opposed the colour, ridiculed it and came up with innovative jokes. But then, they are the ones now borrowing these cycles, cause who would walk when you could pedal your way with a basket in front.:)
Gujarat celebrated Uttarayan or sankranti (for the less informed) with a great deal of zeal. Kites were flown all over the city and cries of "Kai poche"-the kite has been cut, (again for the less informed), resounded the streets. The Gujarat government took steps to ban the sale of chinese manja (the thread for flying kites), which is very dangerous. This manja, is apparently much sharper than the indian one and is also cheaper. One victim of this manja was my internet cable connection and I was rudely pulled away from my blogs and facebook, but now I am back. (Yipee)
For the interested, I am also upto a number of new things. I have just started reading the adventures of Asterix and Obelix and I am already a die hard fan. Best comics ever. And I am finally watching Boston Legal. Who doesn't like Alan Shore?? I just wonder how do the women manage to look so impeccable even with such packed schedules. And the most important thing, I have started cooking. :) Yes, you all can applaud. Made paneer paranthas, aloo gobhi, aloo matar and pongal among many other things.
So as all the catching up from my side has been done, what's new on your side??
Tchao for now.:)

I am old

Times have changed. At one time, my father used to tell his colleagues about how well I had performed in the exams. Nowadays I get to know how well my colleagues children have performed in theirs.
I met my senior colleague today when I was out grocery shopping(yes...times have changed). I met his wife and child. The child was not in a mood to say hello. My boss said to him, " Beta, Aunty ko hi bolo". I looked around to see as to who he was referring to and then it dawned on to me that I was the aunty.
I felt my whole life flashing before my eyes. Just yesterday, I was in school and today I am an aunty. Life, is indeed, too short.
P.S. I find it difficult to come up with titles for each and every post. I have never been good at it.

Bicycle Diaries

Lets start at the very beginning. I never liked riding a cycle because of an incident which involved a fence, front brakes of the bike and the bicycle on top of me. My mom coaxed me, cajoled me, threatened to throw me out of the house, all to make me learn to ride it but to no avail. Then one day, my big bro came along and told me that it is compulsory to ride a cycle in IIT. Naive and gullible that I was, I fell for it, as IIT was where I wanted to be. Soon I got a brand new bicycle and had got the hang of it. The wind blowing through my hair, I felt reckless and independent.
Anyhoo,I know I have not yet written anything suggested by the blog title, but I am coming to it. So back to my story. My bicycle learnings were not much useful in IIT as I preferred walking to cycling. But as Steve Jobs says, nothing you learn ever goes to waste. So is the same with the bicycle.
My bicycle expertise is now proving to be very useful. My job involves field inspections and I have to travel a lot in 1100 acres of land. Motor vehicles are not allowed, because there should not be any kind of spark in a petrochemical plant. So a bicycle is the only mode of transportation. Fair enough.
Alas, there is always a glitch. The cycles which are available are Hero Men's cycles, complete with a bar and everything. And for a short person it appears to be even bigger. Trying to mount the cycle requires a lot of ingenuity. This is how I do it-
1. Take the cycle to a secluded spot.
2. Tilt the cycle to 60 degrees to the vertical.
3. Now swing the leg across the bar.
4. Make sure noone sees you doing this.
5. Start riding the cycle and pray that nothing comes in front of your cycle suddenly.
6. While dismounting, follow the steps 1 to 3 again.
I have dropped the cycle a few times, but no damage done. I am making use of atleast some of my learnings.
And now I can proudly say, " Give me any bicycle and I will show you how to ride it" :)

I am back!!!

Just like promised...agreed it took a bit longer than expected. It all started with my intern...no internet connection, so my loyalty to the blogosphere diminished. Then on my return, I suffered from what is known as the "Writer's Block"( I like to give myself airs). But I have been faithfully following my favourite blogs...be it sun or rain, nothing can deter me from doing so.
So today when I was reading one of the aforementioned blogs, I came across a post telling about the different songs the writer was listening to. So I thought even I should put up my playlist(not that anyone is interested) but still.
1. Way Back Into Love(Title track-Music and Lyrics)- Hugh Grant simply seduces you with his charming voice and the cherry on the cake is that he is way too cute. And if Triple H is reading this, Hugh Grant rocks!
2. Carnival of Rust- Poets of the Fall- I have never heard such a sensuous baritone. The song doesn't make sense, but still it sounds good.
3. Colourblind-Darius- Ya I know it is an old song, but the lyrics are really nice. The way he compares each colour to an emotion is innovative.
4.I wish I was a punk rocker(Sandy Thomas)- If you haven't heard this, do listen to it.It is different.
5. Falguni Pathak- In my defense, the TS were going on. And Maine Payal Hai Chankaayi is a good song. I liked the guy Vivan Bhatena, long before he became a star.
So tell me about your playlists as well.
P.S.- I am back on popular demand, so if this post sucks, then it is not my fault. I had nothing to write about.
P.P.S.- Disclaimer- All P.Ss and P.P.Ss are written on my own accord, without inspiration from any person living or dead.

The Mistress of Procrastination

It’s been a long time. And after all the promises that I had made to myself to be regular in my blog, I fell back to my old ways. I have had a lot to write about, and I did write a lot many posts in my head (if that counts). I had tests, then went home, my bro came to see my college, I went on a class trip, then went home again, then came back and participated in the college fest and finally again had tests. Phew!!! That was a lot but not even one post.
But in my defense, I would like to tell you that I was busy. I have had a lot on my hands lately. This is what should have been the reason. But in reality, I have had ample time on my hands. I was talking to my friend at the dinner table. She told me that she was attending guitar classes, learning vocals and playing tennis. This is in addition to our regular classes. In comparison to this, I am doing nothing. Daily I hang out with my friends. If FRIENDS has CENTRAL PERK, HIMYM has McLARREN’S, the we have our very own nesci and alpahaar. I am reading a lot (novels, if you must know), watching a lot many movies and listening to music. I religiously follow blogs(Becca ,Sarcastica, Angelique)and I have come to know that people write brilliantly. And other mere mortals like me, look upto these great BLOGGERS. I daily wait for them to update. And I have come to know that the comments on a single post can run into thousands and mine barely, if ever, manage to reach double digits.
I plan to lift this blanket of laziness soon and start living life with a new unfound zest. But that I will do as soon as I find it ☺. But looking at the positive side of things, when I finish college, I will have a huge database of movies and tv shows. ☺

I ask myself....

Have you ever wished for something, worked for something and really know that you deserved it and then not get it? Have you ever seen less competent people surpassing you? Have you ever let your expectations rise so high, that you yourself know it is impossible to fulfill them? Have you ever felt so bad, that you lost all feeling itself? Have you ever felt so let down, that you lose your faith itself? Have you seen your loved ones ever walk past you, without even giving you as much as a glance? Have you looked on unable to explain your feelings and wishing the other person would simply understand them? Have you wished to do something and then just held back?.....

Midnight Ponderings

It is midnight and I am at home.:) Yes, I know it is a nice thing, especially for hostellers like me. Anyway it is time for our annual family get-together, so am home.
First things first. The previous 2 weeks were over in a flash. My economics presentation was very good and beautifully made(it is my blog after all). But as it was mine, there was bound to be some minor glitch in it. I misspelt my name. Shakespeare may say as to "What's in a name?", but still it is my name. The prof didn't notice and now I have a new name. Apart from that, the presentation was simply fantabulous.
Then the test series came and also Valentine's day, which were both disappointments, and the less said about them the better it is.
So the best part is that I have taken a week long hiatus from college and come home. I am catching up on all the bickerings and fightings with my brother. And my mom has forbidden us both from sitting in the same room without her supervision.:) (Imagine, my bro and I are old enough to vote, drive a car and even get married!) And time has travelled back and I have again become a crybaby(have complained about my bro, atleast a zillion times in the past 4 days). But my bro is no angel either.
So am having fun. And I have just found out, that my apple does have a touchpad. I know I must be ashamed of myself. For the past one year, I went about telling everyone otherwise. But then, "To err is human".
Bon Nuit!

Brrrrrrr.............

It is cold...real cold today. I managed to get up from my hot cosy bed and go to class. I captured a picture of my hostel at 9 in the morn.I know it is foggy.

I was trying to take some more beautiful pics due to which I even became late for class. I sat through a whole hour of powder metallurgy, only to learn in the end, that I will not be given attendance.:(
Any way it snowed nearby, so obviously it is going to get colder. Brrrrr........

Who to blame?

Its the new year, a new trip but the circumstances remain the same. For the interested, let me elaborate. It is the time for the annual magazine trip, and for the past two years, the equations has remained the same. The girls, first of all, wish to go an overnight trip. Everyone agrees but all's well does not always end well. In the end, the girls back out, leaving the guys to enjoy their freedom.
Analysing the reasons as to why girls don't go, is a difficult task. Parents generally don't agree. They have their own reasons. Some of them do agree, but ultimately seeing the minuscule number of girls, forbid their daughters from going. I don't even wish to go into the details of why they do so. I don't wish to blame them, as they would have be having valid reasons.
Next, coming to the guys in the group. Not their mistake, after all we let them down. But I do wish they would understand that we don't do so on purpose. The memory about our not going on the previous trip is still fresh in our minds, and we have a new situation to add to it. I don't blame them, but it would be better if they were a bit more sympathetic about it. We do try our best to coax our parents.
So, who should we blame? Should we blame ourselves for wanting to go on a trip? This is a question which will yield no answer.

Ramblings

I am now feeling that I am falling into a deep abyss of nothingness. The days are stretching long before me and I have a lot to do. The tut sheets pile up in front of me and I don't have the will to pick them up and solve them. "Someone will do it", that is the thought that comes to my mind.
I sit and stare idly at the ceiling. I need to make an economics presentation but I still don't have a topic.
In short, I have lots to do but nothing is getting done.

The Grind

People ask me as to what we do in metallurgy. And so today I am going to squash all rumours about how less we work. First of all, we daily have classes from 9 to 5. Ya, I know it is too long, but then aren't we the brightest minds in the country. Next, our department firmly believes that practise makes a man perfect. For the past 2 years we have been doing the same practical. We are required to grind samples, polish them with 4 grades of emery paper and then polish it on the wheel. And finally view the microstructure. Simple, you would say and would be wondering what am I making a fuss about. But I will let you into a secret. Barring 2 or 3 illustrious people in my class, none of us can still get all the planes alligned in one direction nor can we remove all scratches. Everytime I polish the sample, instead of becoming more fine and flat, more and more scratches are generated. And if any one of us to is fortunate enough to get a glimpse of the structure, then we break into a victory dance. And I tell you, the achievement is as big as landing on the moon.
This time I managed to get some photographs. This is a photograph of our beloved grinder which has seen various other competent students like us, unable to get a perfect surface.

I also managed to photograph my friend hard at work. This is how we polish a sample on the emery paper.

I will try to give you more insights into the lives of metallurgists from time to time. But right now, I am going to draw those microstructures. And I really hope, that one day I will achieve the perfect surface and see the always elusive microstructure, all by myself.

I wish..

Sometimes I really wish I was a boy. I know I should not be thinking such things, but still. I know our life is much easier then theirs. A boy is expected to provide, while a girl is expected to maintain the provisions. If she provides as well, then well and good, but it is not her primary aim in life. I do believe that we have the easier way out.
But even then I sometimes do wish that I was a boy. They have a different kind of freedom which we don't have. We can't go out at night alone, because there may be bad people lurking about. Always go out with some members of the "stronger" sex, we were advised, and as if that helps. The recent cases in Mumbai and Kochi prove otherwise.
I do wish that there will come a time, when girls will have the same freedom as guys, but I don't see it anywhere in the near future. And until then, all I can do is wish to be a guy.

Fear of the Dark

Iron Maiden sang this song expressing their fear of the dark and the unknown. We all suffer from some or the other fear...there are some things which scare us out of our wits. These fears may cause ordinary persons to put up their best resistances in order to avoid them.
I suffer from one such fear. The thing that I am afraid to do, is generally enjoyed by all. I have a phobia of writing on the blackboard. Coax me, cajole me, but my hand will not touch a chalk piece. I have no idea where this fear stems from, but it is deeply ingrained in my system.
While in school, I abhorred teachers who asked us to write on the board. Students became monitors, specifically because they could legally write names on the board. When I became the monitor, I never wrote names on the blackboard and so was generally liked by the students. You may say I have proper etiquettes and did not like to show my back to the audience. The very few times I was actually face to face with the monstrous black board, I felt a hundred pair of eyes boring into my back. I could feel the pressure and the tension in the air. It is laudable that I even managed to write an alphabet. So I came up with a thousand and one reasons of not writing including "I suffer from chalk dust allergy" and the less used "My hands will become rough".
You will be wondering why I suddenly thought about enlightening you about my syndrome. It so happened that today in my GD class I suggested a brilliant topic. The prof asked me to write the same on the board and there I developed cold feet. I looked to my side and asked the next person to come to my rescue, which he very unsympathetically refused to do so. The tension was mounting, my classmates were looking at me and waiting for me to get up and complete this "simple" task, but I sat glued to my chair. I again asked my neighbor, and he looked at me blankly without understanding my anguish. The prof then said to him-"write it down, she is short and will not be able to reach that height." I let that rebuke pass, but I would like to tell him that I am as tall as an average Indian woman. The guy got up and wrote and I heaved a sigh of relief. I wonder what I would have done if I had been pressurised even once more-probably I would have left the class(yes, I am paranoid) or may have feigned a cough.
After reading this you may be rolling on the floor with laughter, but it sure is a big thing for me.